fungirlmmm's Blog

This is one of our fellow Ep'ers in this band.  Give them your support and feedback.

In you I have found my hero and no matter where I go, who I am with in my lifetime no one will take your place in my heart.  I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!!! I know everyone calls you amazing but I just simply call you mine!!!

Take it from fungirl that it is important to tell those you love that you do and hug them until you can't hug them anymore and listen to them.  I had my chance to say goodbye to my dear friend but we don't always get that opportunity.  I urge you to hug your significant other tight, to tuck the kids in with a hug and kiss, call your parents to tell them that you love them, and to make peace with all those in your life because whether you are young or old you are not promised more than this moment and it is gone in the blink of an eye.  I hope you can learn from the pain I am going through in this moment but also know that I realize I have a blessing that many people may never have in a lifetime.  This is a special song to me and I will cherish it forever.

All,

I am not ignoring your PM's, gestures, gifts, and other kind acts however due to your profile settings the fungirl is unable to respond to you.  I think I may have to be part of your circle or you part of mine for me to respond.  I just do not want you to think I am purposely ignoring you all.

Thanks

Jaycee (aka fungirlmmm)

Look what my heart has gotten into
The sweetest gift I ever knew
Its even better than my favorite shoes
Look what my heart has found in you
Chorus:
Feels like sunshine, feels like rain
Lord it feels like love finally called my name
I wanna jump and shout I wanna sing and dance
Lord it feels like love wants a second chance

Look what my heart can clearly see
How much I crave your company
A true companion I will always be
Look what my heart has done to me

Repeat chorus

Looks like my heart has become
The safest place for us to run
Ill be here for you when the day is done
Looks like my heart has found someone

Repeat chorus

Look what my heart has gotten into
The sweetest gift I ever knew
Its even better than my favorite shoes
Look what my heart has found in you
Chorus:
Feels like sunshine, feels like rain
Lord it feels like love finally called my name
I wanna jump and shout I wanna sing and dance
Lord it feels like love wants a second chance

Look what my heart can clearly see
How much I crave your company
A true companion I will always be
Look what my heart has done to me

Repeat chorus

Looks like my heart has become
The safest place for us to run
Ill be here for you when the day is done
Looks like my heart has found someone

Repeat chorus

I found the letter below in one of my old journals.  I don’t really remember who I had composed this letter for but it touched me today and so I decided to post this for an  old friend of mine whoever he may be because for him to have sacrificed as much as I had written selflessly he must have been something really special to me.

 Dear Horseman,

How can I tell you how I feel? You are my friend, yet so much more. The one I come to when I am confused, lonely, and sad. You NEVER turn me away yet you live with the fact there is another man in my life. When things happen with him, I come to you, you never judge me only show me love, friendship and respect. You aren’t there to say “I told you so" when something happens between me and the other man in my life.  I want you to know how special you are to me; not because of what you do for me but because of the person you are within. I NEVER want to hurt you and I know I do. You are my 'rock' and even though you may not know these things I am telling you here and now. Even though many of our conversations are non sexual, it isn’t that I don’t think or feel that way about you because I do. I fight it because I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to maybe make a decision in the future that would jeopardize our friendship and the honesty we share.  That's how it started and that's how I always want it to be. I think about you all the time and I want to talk to you as much as I can but sometimes I stop myself. I prevent myself from exploring more with you. You asked me last week to give you one night as you were there for me in the moment.  I told you “no” but you were still there with your strong shoulders listening to me as you always do with no strings attached, only asking for a chance to love me and for me to return that love. No I am writing this note and my wish is that you take away the following: you are an incredible man, full of love, joy and compassion. Even though you know the situation with me and my other person, the emotions are still there and are raw and true. You sacrifice your own hurt and pain to be there for me and that means the world to me. In return I want to be there for you too whether that is right or wrong.
 
I know this may be asking too much but can we have that one more night?

Your Little Filly!

My dear young friend,

 I am so saddened to learn of your loss today. I know that you cherished this relationship and that you are going through some deep and dark moments because of his passing. I find myself thinking of you and your family and how much you will all miss him. I know that your life was touched by this very special man and know you will miss him, but I want you to remember that we are not promised that every day will be sunshine and flowers.  We are only promised that God will be there through it all.  Without the hardships in life we would not be able to appreciate the really good times. Life has its peaks and valleys.  This is a valley but look ahead and you will see the crest of the mountain and when you get there you will be able to look down and see the valley as what it is, a beautiful place because it prepared you to reach the peak.  That is one of the things I like about hiking.  When I get to the top of that mountain or waterfall and look back at what I just accomplished the land I passed on the way up to the top looks so much different.  I may not have seen it in that light on may way up but when I am looking back at it I can see the ultimate beauty in it.  I know I am talking in riddles but read deep into what I am saying to you and there is a lesson for you. 

I have been thinking a lot about you lately with your own illness and then this on top of it is an added burden to your soul.  I want you to know I promised I would never walk out of your life willingly and I will always hold true to my promise I made you.  You have had enough of that in your lifetime.  I wish I could do more to help, but rest assured that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Although we have live far apart I am right here praying and loving you through this tough time like I always have.

 I know you need to grieve now and I am not going to pull you out of that but you realize for your own mental health I cannot allow you to stay in this for a long time without taking actions.  (YOU KNOW I WILL TOO AND HAVE IN THE PAST! LOL) 

I give you the attached song to listen to in your grief. It is a song I listen to frequently in my day to day as a reminder to be sure I tell my sister and those all around me what my true feelings are because I may not have tomorrow to do it.  I love you and I think you know that young one.  I think I have proven that to you just like I know that your loved one knew you loved him and cherished him.  The Peak is just ahead.  Take my hand and we will climb to it together.

After being your friend and telling each other our hopes and desires, I need to tell you what is in my heart as my deepest desire.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I can only love you more and more with each passing day. You're my inspiration each and every day. You are what keeps me going when I just want to give up. I love the way that you love me. I wouldn't know where to turn if I didn't have you. You are this girl's dream come true.

You have proven that you will always be there for me.  You've listened to my problems and, most of all, you've put up with me and all the crazy things I do. I love being with you and acting like fools, and I just love everything about you.

Last night when I was trying to go to sleep, I kept thinking about all the other men. But then I thought about you, and I couldn't stop thinking about you! I thought about all the good times we've had together, and how you questioned who a certain person was in my life.  I realized that it's not the other people I want to be with, it's you. I love you and I want to be with you, forever and a day. I know you need to hear these words so "I honestly love you!" 

HERE IS THE SONG THAT ACCOMPANIES MY TRIBUTE TO ALL MY FRIENDS... THIS IS HOW I FEEL ABOUT EACH OF YOU. MANY THANKS FOR ALL YOU DO FOR ME...

I have forgiven you and you know I have and we will be friends forever but this song just keeps running through my mind this weekend.  Actually this song and one other.  I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU TO PROVE MY DOUBTS ARE WRONG!

There's a suitcase and a heartache
She was thinkin' of leavin'
But she unpacks and she goes back to him
So he gets by with a bad lie
'Cause in her mind it's the last time
And she needs him so she believes him again

A woman loves beyond her questions
And dreams beyond her doubts
Her heart will lead and she will follow
Even when there's no way out
Her eyes refuse to see the danger
As she walks right through the fire
A man may give himself to passion and desire
But a woman loves

In the mornin' lyin' next to him
She'll be weeping while he's sleeping
Goin' crazy thinkin' maybe it's her fault
Maybe one night in the moonlight
She'll touch his hand and he'll understand
How it could be, how it should be after all

A woman loves beyond her questions
And dreams beyond her doubts
Her heart will lead and she will follow
Even when there's no way out
Her eyes refuse to see the danger
As she walks right through the fire
A man may give himself to passion and desire
But a woman loves

A woman loves beyond her questions
And dreams beyond her doubts
Her heart will lead and she will follow
Even when there's no way out
Her eyes refuse to see the danger
As she walks right through the fire
A man may give himself to passion and desire
But a woman loves
A woman loves...

We should never live our lives with regrets.  I do NOT regret the friendships that I have formed. I love each and every one of you, my friends.  Life is too short to wake up with regrets.  So love the people who treat you right.

Forget about the ones who don't.  Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.  If it changes your life, let it. This is what happened to me just in the last weeks and I am SOOOOO happy right now.   Nobody said life would be easy, He just promised it would be worth it. Each of you has changed my life in some profound way. One of you has actually given me back my youth and power.  I feel like I have thunderbolts shooting from deep between my legs because I feel so powerful right now. It could be all the trips to the gym; however I think it has to do with the power of a true, honest, loving, mutual friendship where I feel safe and protected and can express anything without fear of betrayal.  Dayum I feel so hot!!!! I am going to go dance around in the rain now.







Friends are like balloons; once you let them go,

you can't get them back. So I'm gonna tie you to

my heart so I never lose you.

Your incredibly loving friendship means the world to me. Thanks for your perpetual support, especially when I just need someone to listen and not judge. The great thing about our friendship is that it’s so easy. I could chat with you every day for a week or not talk to you for a month and pick up right where we left off. In a world of shifting alliances, it’s exceptionally comforting to have such a loyal and steadfast friend.



And there’s no competition. We want the best for each other and that’s such a godsend. When I think of how you’ve been there through breakups, job disappointments, school quirks, and a million other things, it makes me realize just how lucky I am that you’re in my corner. Please know that I’m in yours. I love you dearly. 

No words can truly express how much you mean to me. Just being your friend has helped me build my character and my self-esteem. I’ve spent a long time figuring out what a true friend really is. It has brought a lot of heartbreak, pain, and strain especially in the last two weeks, but I can tell you that you pass the test with flying colors. I love that you call me the moment something funny pops in your head. I love that you share with me and want to share parts of you with me. I love that I can tell you anything and you always remain open-minded even when I want to talk about the former boyfriend you listen and never judge my feelings for him. Hell I even love the fact that your cell phone is in love with mine and calls me at odd times all by itself to have a chat with my cell phone. LOL. You never question that I am sincere in what I am saying and that is important to me.  You are never judgmental and always encouraging. I love you and I hope that you always know that I am continuously aspiring to be the great friend that you are to me although so many times I fail you miserably.  Looks like you are stuck with me for my lifetime.